Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead (Scottish proverb)
Tôi vừa thò đầu lên blog, đã có người trách: Ông anh già rồi, đổ đốn hay sao mà lại đem chuyện mình ra blog? Dơ dáng quá.
Vâng, dơ dáng thật. Chính tôi cũng đang trách tôi sự ấy. Nhưng mà biết làm sao được? Bây giờ thiên hạ nhà nhà blog, người người blog, mình không blog có kẻ xấu miệng nó lại chả chê vừa mù Internet vừa mù chữ, hóa chẳng thẹn lắm ru.
Tôi đã hứa với tôi: chẳng bao giờ blog chuyện mình. Tôi sẽ chẳng bao giờ thèm đả động đến cái tôi – cái tôi là đáng ghét. Vẫn biết có nhiều blogger khả kính không nghĩ thế. Suốt đời họ, họ chỉ toàn blog về họ. Họ phân tích tâm hồn họ. Mà họ làm thế nhất định không phải là vô ích.
Nhưng họ khác, mà tôi khác. Cái nghề blog, kỵ nhất là cái lối thấy người y-a-huu cũng đi gú-gồ. Khi người ta nói đến mình, là nhận ra mình có một cái gì đáng nói. Còn tôi chẳng có gì. Tâm hồn tôi nó hơi nông. Mà đời tôi thì không có chuyện. Cái tôi của tôi rất xoàng. Bởi tôi rất xoàng.
Trọn đời tôi, tôi chỉ lo chết đói. Như thế bảo còn nghĩ đến cái to tát làm sao được? Nguyện vọng của tôi? Ấy là làm thế nào cho vợ có tiền mua sắm, mua được iPhone và hai ngàn cổ phiếu blue-chip để dành cho con. Không có mộng.
Nói vậy sợ hơi quá quắt. Thật ra tôi cũng có chút mộng văn chương. Nhưng cái mộng ấy cũng hơi… khỉ khỉ. Tôi cũng muốn vừa có thể phụng sự nghệ thuật lại vừa có thể kiếm tiền nuôi cả nhà. Nghĩa là tôi ham blog lắm. Nhưng giá thử blog mà không được một đồng xu nhỏ thì có lẽ tôi cũng ham vừa vừa thôi. Cái tôi của tôi sự thật nó bỉ ổi như thế đấy. Thôi còn nói đến tôi làm gì? Tôi tìm những cái khác để mà blog vậy.
NB: Cắt, dán, thay “viết” = “blog”… từ “Những truyện không muốn viết” của Nam Cao.
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